“Tell me you love me.”

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Challenging the Myth of Modern Love

“The Greeks had the good sense to break love into four levels: “storge” was kinship, “philia” was friendship, “eros,” sexual and romantic love, and finally divine love was known as “agape.”

They might interpret the sentence, “I love you, but I am not ‘in love‘ with you” to mean, “I feel philia toward you but not eros.”

However, while the Greeks gave love four spots in the dictionary, this emotion was feared.  Both Plato and Socrates saw this emotion as, “Love is a serious mental disease,” and “Love is madness.” Moreover, it was the Greeks who coined the phrase, “lovesick.” [1]

Here I go again, stirring up the brown; acting the man of the town. However, given the state of our world, I thought I might add a thought or about what I feel is missing.

For the past few years, we have been inundated with attacks on our vocabulary relative to whether it is conservative, progressive, independent or just plain ridiculous chatter inspired by those challenged in the arts of logic and reality.

“He told me he loves me, but how do I know?”

“She said she loves me, but she did not say it in a politically acceptable manner, so I am wondering if she does love me.”

It appears to me that the use of the phrase, “I love you,” is more of an emotional tool than an expression of true love. To my thinking, saying I love you projects an emotion that may, or may not be honestly felt by the person saying it because it has become mechanical for too many people.

I see nothing wrong in saying I love you, but let us not allow it to become complacent.

“I told you I loved you when I left this morning; all you said was “same here.” Gee thanks, love the effort!

            “I Love You” are three words, not proof of love; anyone who thinks they are is, at least in my book, a damned fool and ignorant of what love is.

            I would rather hear, “I am here for you because I love you.”

            “I am always on time to pick you up for dinner because I love and respect you.”

            I will never understand how people can relate sex to love. “I am going to go home and make mad passionate love to my mate!” Bullshit, you are going home and have wild sex, at least you hope you will. The love part comes in after the sex when you realize that the person in bed with you did not charge for his or her services, did not jump up right after climax to hop in the shower and leave, but stayed in your arms.

            Men are notorious for not saying I love you but equally notorious for using non-verbal forms to communicate their feelings. In relationships, women, or partners if you prefer, tend to listen for the words of love; they want oral communication. Men, on the other hand, tend to show their feelings of love and dedication to their mates with actions. The problem being, their mates, do not always see, or maybe appreciate those actions.

            Do you want examples? OK, how about the man who makes you breakfast, helps with household chores and kisses you, just because you are with him. Is he sending a message? I think so.

            What about the man you are dating; is he always on time to pick you up? Does he take out to beautiful places for dinner, maybe to the theatre? Does he act protective or dominating?

            There are millions of ways a man demonstrates his feelings for someone via actions, but there is only one way to say: “I love you!” You have to ask yourself if not hearing those words every day is more important than all the little things he automatically does because it pleases you.

            Now someone is going to ask, what about the gay relationships? What about them? You have to be a biological male to want to demonstrate your love, nor do you have to be a biological female to receive that love. The key, at least for me, is both the verbal and physical demonstrations of love and union between humans, they are equally important.

“What one does is more important than what one says as in Politicians need to be reminded that actions speak louder than words. This statement, a proverb found in many languages, including ancient Greek, was first worded in precisely this way in English in Colonial Currency (1736).” [2]

I say, look to the mountain to hear the voice in the wind.


[1]              How Do You Define Love? | Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/contemplating-divorce/201502/how-do-you- (accessed February 20, 2019).

[2]           The American Heritage Dictionary Of Idioms : Npr, https://www.npr.org/books/titles/173059631/the-american-heritage-dictionary-of-i (accessed February 20, 2019).

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