Your Smile

When first we met, you seemed so shy,

                                    Your countenance bold yet bearing meek.

What knowledge did I, curious old soul,

Hope to garner from one so young?

Day did come, you felt heart free,

                                    Your smile once frown, began to bloom,

Enchanting change forthcoming

            In well-spring of life, your voice far-flung.

Be there vast wisdom, in so endearing a smile,

                                     That even the wise, must bow,

New perceptions did flow like manna,

                                    Once your voice of youth unchained.

You awoke your dreams, cast off evil spells,

                                    Did challenge those who scorned you.

To attacks so grievous,

Defiance your blade unrestrained.

Were that man, never humble as much,

                                    Attempt your path, unaided.

Yet you, in your wisdom disproved all fault,

                                    Erasing all guilt your smile now chastens.

From deep within, your heart so pure,

                                    You brought forth passion.

 With strength of spirit, you destroyed self-denials,

                                    To answer call of love that beckons.

Defeat the call for all perfection,

                                    Accept yourself, an incredible person.

 If love you feel, withhold it not,

                                    Reap the joy of your beloved’s charms,

Your time has come, your smile shines bright,

                                    A beacon to all, let none deny,

New chapter of life commences,

                                    Receive love’s bounty with open arms.        

How Do I Know?

A person did wonder, answers oft sought,

“Is it love I feel, or has lust cast its spell?

How do I know my feelings be true?

No guide of life nor sage does foretell.”

From deep in spirit should arise plaintiff cry.

“Love is not gold, nor diamonds to own,

Cease all your drivel, abide now my words.

For love is a gift, greatest ever known.”

“Whilst beauty of flesh beguiles those too willing,

It is never to preserve hearts so eager.

For time, its keeper, tariff of years must we pay,

Perhaps love’s purse is tragically meager?”

“Harken, my child that you may know,

Voice of ages imparts truth; oppose lie.

To see honest beauty your heart so desires,

Look to the blossom with a blind man’s eye.”

“Be not swayed by false promises,

Nor surrender to sweet words,

But borrow from the deaf, listen with your spirit,

To the sonata of flowers and songs of Hummingbirds.”

“For love is not tangible, negotiable nor bought,

Not fleeting nor ever meant to free.

Love is a commitment, not easily sustained,

Bonding like spirits by their heart’s decree.”

“Forsake false desires,

Fleeting beauty does portray,

Seek the truth within,

That your love will never betray.”

WWWWW & H

Where can I go?

What can I do?

Where is my haven I cried?

Who stands by me?

Will my spirit be free?

Why ever once denied?

How long the pain?

When will stop heartache’s reign?

My yearning to never defeat?

Where tomorrow may end?

Will torment amend?

What loves long-lasting will I meet?

But knowledge the tool,

Seldom used by the fool,

Will ever protect the wise.

With love’s power replete,

The challenge to meet,

Our future together will rise.

Emergence

At winter’s end, comes awakening call,

Arise, arise, friends and all.

Tis time to stir, to shake out mist,

Your faces blurred from season’s kiss.

Reach out your arms, to grasp the light,

Your bodies to strengthen, renew their might.

Let hands present, your fingers splay,

Stand tall, in splendor to salute the day.

Your arrival conceived, rebirth in mind,

First of season, your status defined.

With grace and poise, aligned at will

Emerge to us, treasured Daffodil.

No Tears for Tomorrow

Alone I trudge unbeaten path,

Head bowed low, fraught with sorrow.

As I wander, lost in time,

I’ll cry my tears tomorrow.

Each new day, I face the sun,

Longing for an answer.

Was I right, was I wrong,

Eating me like a cancer,

Imperfect thoughts on troubled sea,

Reasons beyond my reach.

Cavernous desire, the need to learn,

That which life had failed to teach.

Sad memories alone do linger,

Gratification but mere dust.

But I will go on, to do my best,

To learn of love and trust.

At days end, I will face my fears,

Erase my sorrows,

I’ll stand tall, shouting out to all,

I’ll cry no tears for my tomorrows.

Cost of a Tear

Today a tear came to my eye,

Just one little tear, my want to cry.

It glittered like crystal as it grew in form,

A raindrop of emotion in a lifetime of storm.

What cost a tear,

Was price too dear?

Today a tear came to my eye,

A single reminder of things gone by.

Abundance of love, I once knew,

Shared of myself with only so few.

What cost a tear,

If liberate the self from what I did fear?

Today a tear came to my eye,

A memory I’ll keep until I die.

It spoke of a future built on the past,

A monument of tolerance – designed to last.

With bricks of forgiveness, and mortar of love,

It will soar to the heavens highest above.

All for the cost of a tear.  

Song of the Sunset Hawk

Soothing spring breeze,

Sweet kiss of magnolia adrift,

Muted colors of night descend,

Day yields to dreams of tomorrow.

Storm abates, cleansing, a mind dispels,

All thought of emptiness filled,

Yesterday now gone,

Repossessing its sorrow.

Midst forest sentinels, a way,

Rose pedals ‘neath unshod foot,

Gilt path traverses still water,

Moon bids Sun adieu.

Against lunar pale, silhouette soars,

Nature’s melody, lilt in the night

Vision of bright future, seen through Hawk eye

For love ever true, is what I seek for you.

How should love be shown?

I’m curious, do all people demonstrate their affection for another in the classic romantic manners of the movies and novels?

Of those that do, can you tell me if that truly makes a difference or are there other acceptable ways to demonstrate your love for another.

Now, before anyone chews my head off, I want to explain something here. I’m not against the romantic love as seen in movies and novels but I am against fake demonstrations of love.

Anyone else ever heard this phrase? “You have to love me for me! Accept me as I am!”

Umm, nope, I do not have to love anyone period. I love those I choose to love and I show my affection for them in a thousand different ways, but I don’t say I love you 100 times a day, nor will I kiss you if you smoke.

Why you ask? Because you didn’t smoke when I fell in love with you, your smoking clings to your clothing and hair and I don’t kiss ashtrays.

Will I still love you? Yes.

How about hearing this: “Why don’t you snuggle and spoon with me in bed?”

I’ll start with the smoking issue here and add on, you breath also smells like stale beer and vomit, you just puked all over the bathroom and I think you forgot to unzip your pants to piss.

Will I still love you? Yes.

Why can’t we afford to go on a nice vacation like others do?”

Since you’ve been using your credit card everyday to buy packs of cigarettes for $8.00 each in your fancy bars, I’ll start with your smoking. I’ll follow that up with the bar tab receipt you dropped showing how much you enjoy aged Scotch and imported ales. Last, but certainly not least, let me mention the money you lost at the casino when you said you were at your friend’s house. Don’t worry, I covered the car payment but there may be an issue with the rent again, and it was nice of the Casino to take your car keys and send you home in a cab.

Will I still love you? Yes.

By the way, I forgot to mention someone by the name of Kelly, not sure if it’s a guy or a girl, keeps calling for you. Won’t tell me what it’s about or give me a number for you to call back. Not sure what it’s all about but the last call came in from a state STD clinic.

Will I still love you? Yes.

You ask why there is no longer any affection between us, it’s pretty simple.

I love you, always have and maybe always will, but now I have to love me more.

Alone again.

As a child, I spend a lot of my time alone, isolated from the rest of my family by the strict rules of my mother who believed in encapsulating in certain areas of her life. It was tough for me, especially when I started elementary school because I couldn’t bring any friends home which would have been great if someone had taught me how to make a friend. I did, in time, make one friend; his name was Henry, and he was my buddy.

In retrospect, I think Henry found me and took the effort to become my friends because he saw the loneliness. Today, thinking back on our friendship, I honestly think Henry was the first person I loved; not love in the physical sense, but the love of having someone care and caring in return. We met in the second grade, and during those years, we walked to school together, talked and collected glass containers for their deposit, but he never came to my house; he couldn’t because he was black and I was a strawberry-blonde white boy with freckles. But we were real friends. I lost track of him the summer of my fourth grade when my family moved from our apartment over our store on Franklin Avenue in Minneapolis, Minnesota to a house in Bloomington, Minnesota where I had to walk to school alone; alone, scared and lonely.

            It wasn’t too long after we moved that Henry and his family also moved. I don’t know where they relocated to, nor could I find out; I had lost Henry. Several years later, when I was working as an Emergency Room Orderly (we weren’t called ER techs back then) at Minneapolis General Hospital, a white lady came in with someone who was ill. She looked very familiar to me, but I couldn’t place where I knew her from. After her friend was taken into an exam room, she came over to me and said, “are you my honey boy?” There was only one person who ever called me “Honey Boy” and that was Henry’s mom because she said my hair looked like golden honey in the summer sun. I melted! I literally lost it. I put my arms around her and broke down, crying like a baby right in front of everyone. My charge nurse, Olive Lindbergh, took us into a private room and told me to take a break.

            The first thing Henry’s mom said to me before I could even ask, was “He’s gone, baby. Henry is with God now.” I almost fainted. (I’m not ashamed to say, that as I write this now, I am crying.) When I calmed down, she told me told me that Henry had tried to contact me by leaving notes at our store, but I never got any of them. He had wanted me to know where they were moving to and how to get in touch, but I never got them. Then, the summer of his eighteenth birthday, while sitting on the front stoop of their house, Henry died peacefully. His heart, the biggest heart I’ve ever known in my life, gave out. Henry had been born with a heart defect, but he never told me because he didn’t want me to pity him, he wanted me to be his friend.

            I stayed in touch with Henry’s mom and dad until they too left me to join Henry. That was when I really started to feel alone. I had no family support, nor good friends in my life. I had only me and a need to be with people. I went on in my life searching for a connection, a person who would be like Henry; kind, smart and always there for me; needless to say, I made a lot of tragic mistakes along the way. Now, I’m seventy-five years old and alone again, only this time it’s worse than ever before because I’m losing some of my survival abilities to cope with life in this day and age.

            I am alone again, and this time it’s different. (continued in “Loneliness”)

I AM ME, IT’S ALL I CAN BE.

IN WANT I DID DISCOVER,

FIXED TRUTH HAD COME TO ME.

MY SEARCH SUSTAINED BY PAIN,

DEAR LABOR MEANT TO BE.

SEEKING TRUTH, I OFTEN FLOUNDERED,

INNER VISION BLIND TO FATE.

SELF-LOATHING’S HEAVY BURDEN,

BORN DOWN BY PRIMAL HATE.

ONCE THOUGHTS OF SELF DESTRUCTION,

BROUGHT ME TO LIFE’S DOOR.

THERE FACED BY SELF-WORTH CHOICE,

MY LIFE JOURNEY IN LAST SEASON.

PASSION TO EXPLOIT SORROW,

DID YIELD TO TIME OF REASON.

NOW I STAND BEFORE YOU,

A MAN TRIED IN FIRES OF TIME,

NEITHER PERFECT NOR SPECIAL AM I.

AWAITING DEATH’S TOLL TO CHIME.

LET ALL WHO ASK REMEMBER,

TO CHALLENGE THOUGHTS OF FEAR,

FOR EACH MUST LEARN AS I DID,

TO ALWAYS KEEP MIND CLEAR.

FOR I AM WHO I AM,

IMPERFECT AS I MAY BE.

I AM WHO I AM,

PERHAPS YOU ARE LIKE ME.